The Last Summer
by Quill of Quandary
Summary: A disgusting insult has threatened to tear them apart, putting a wall up between them. But persistent Severus wants to tear it down while its still paper thin. Will Lily's secret desire to not burn bridges and his love bring them closer than ever?
1. A Rain to Remember

A/N: This was originally intended to be the first chapter of another story. But there is a considerable time gap between this and where I intend the other story to begin. So this is going to begin as a prequel.

I disclaim every character and item that is property of J.K. Rowling or other affiliates.

"He's outside again." The less than melodic tone sounded rather disturbed as the words flowed to the ears of another in the room. The speaker was sitting upon her bed, cotton balls stuffed between her toes as the white nail polish dried. The girl had long limbs, with short, well kept dirty blond hair. She was carefully applying nail polish to her long fingers, as white as the color on her toes. Her deep brown eyes were focused on the window admiring her reflection, though her call had come from noticing the dark entity standing outside. Despite the near lack of light that was pouring over the neighborhood. Across from her a sigh came. The tone was much sweeter, yet the sound was one of obvious displeasure.  
>This girl was younger than the other. Her hair fell down in straight fiery locks around a soft almond shaped face. Her eyes the most beautiful shimmering emeralds. She unlike her sister who was tall and thin, was average in height, but she had developed some more womanly curves. Soft and delicate, yet there was a strength to her that was indelible. She hopped from where she lay, abandoning the book she was reading. Lily Evans was a witch, and though her sister normally despised her, here in this room Lily did her best to avoid anything that would throw a wrench between them. For example performing magic right in front of her. Lily and Petunia had been stretched thin as it was, in fact these were perhaps the first words Petunia had said to Lily all day. Or at least within the first ten. Still it was a far less pressing matter than what she knew was awaiting her outside.<p>

Lily arrived at the window just as the sound of thunder rolled in from over head. Reflexively her eyes scanned the sky. Dark clouds were rolling in but rain had yet to descend. She shook her head and looked down, standing at the sidewalk was _him._ The boy who at one point had been her best friend in the whole wide world. A tall figure adorned in black. Even from here she could make out the somewhat tussled ebony locks. The pale skin, sallow and almost stretching around his cheek bones. He wasn't eating as well again. She felt the pang of worry fill her, but a moment letter the thing which had torn them apart filled her memories. He was almost a shadow in the darkness, yet that bright skin always was a gave away that it was him. More so, those dark smoldering eyes, like black coal threatening to burst into flames. Severus Snape, the boy who had not only called her a name so foul in the wizarding world that to utter it at all was insulting. But he had spoken it with such contempt, and even added the almost always two words which accompanied it. Her heart throbbed as his voice played in her head. "_Filthy little mudblood!"_

No matter how much he had apologized, she had not forgiven him. She was not sure she could. Sometimes, she had thought about it, hearing the desperate sorrow in his voice as he attempted to gain her forgiveness. But his words were not as powerful, or convicted as when he had called her such a foul term. No he sounded desperate when he begged. Lily normally would ignore him, but over the summer he had been here nearly every night. Trying to find times to speak to her. Stalking her as he had when they were younger but this time she did not find it somehow charming. No, now it was only disturbing her. She clutched the window, ignoring her sister's newest comment which passed right over her head. Lily slammed it open and stuck nearly half herself out, glaring down at the boy on the sidewalk.  
>Severus' head snapped to her, locking on, his brows raising a bit as though expecting something. But when he found her bright eyes he saw the same look that had filled them since that day when she scorned him. Since he had made the biggest mistake of his life. Severus lips parted, about to speak but Lily's tongue proved to be the swifter.<p>

"Go home already!" Lily called out. "It's going to rain. More importantly I don't want to talk to you!" Lily cried out, regretting the concern in her tone when she mentioned the rain. Somehow, she could not help but still worry. Regardless of what he had done, she did not wish him death, or even bodily harm. Severus tried to call out her name but she was back in and the window was slammed closed. Lily nearly tore the curtains as she quickly blocked his sight into the bedroom. Lily turned, huffing, nearly stomping back towards her bed.

"Still fighting with your boyfriend?" Petunia asked nonchalantly as though she didn't care. However she had been following this incident for some time. In fact it was the only reason she was still speaking to Lily as much as she did. After all, it was somewhat reassuring knowing her perfect little sister's perfect little world had its flaws. However these words seemed to set Lily off. The crimson locks swung around as she curved, nearly slapping the air as her green eyes bore down on her sister.

"_He _is NOT my BOYFRIEND!" Lily snapped, causing Petunia to suddenly jerk, looking up her eyes scanning around as if something were about to happen. Petunia's lower jaw trembled a moment. But when nothing happened she seemed to muster some moxie her half mast gaze showing disapproving orbs.

"Well excuuu-se me." Petunia huffed, rotating her shoulders and trying to brush off her sister's rage despite being rather nervous that it might still flare. Lily just glared at her sister, she hated fighting with her but Petunia was making it difficult to be sisters. Lily turned away, grabbing her book she nearly stormed out of the room, trying to breathe and calm herself. It seemed like everyone close to her was doing their best to antagonize her.

Severus sighed as he pocketed his hands. He was dressed in a long sleeved black shirt, and a pair of his school pants. It was the best he had. His normal home clothes made him stand out in this neighborhood quite a bit. Despite his mother's efforts to fund his teaching, his home clothes had been so insignificant that for the most part the 'scourgify' charm Lily had taught him a year back was used to clean anything that he did not get from suitcase to put on. Though he was fitting into his father's left over clothes much better now, and his mother's almost were starting to become too small. Still Severus felt out of place here. This normally clean, bright little neighborhood. Where he was used to dark and dank places. Still he had been cast from the light, speaking a name so foul that he wasn't sure he would ever be forgiven. Yet, there was still a part of him that stung. Lily had spoken a name so heinous to him, it had been nothing short of soul crushing to hear from her lips. _Snivelus._  
>Though it had not sunk in until later, she had called him the name that had been so fondly bestowed upon him by the marauders. The marauders, oh how Severus hated every one of them.<br>James Potter the arrogant Quidditch Captain and seeker. Hero of Gryffindor. That putrid Sirius Black, snide and cruel, almost as quick to get at him as James. Remus Lupin, useless git. And Peter Pettigrew, the worthless cowardly rat that would be better off on the bottom of a shoe. He was always at their heels anyway.

The roll of thunder came again. Severus didn't glance back, he didn't really care. He just wanted a chance to speak to Lily, yet she refused over and over and over again. Severus had started to put some things into perspective, why she disliked his friends. But, they at least condoned his efforts. The dark arts, even if they used them for cruel things, Severus could learn them to defend her. Or so, this is how he justified himself. Inside he knew the craving for their knowledge was too great. Severus wanted power, oh so much power. The things he could do with it, Lily would never leave his side. He could protect her, provide for her and no one would stand in his way. Being a Death Eater, perhaps that was just the stepping stone to something greater. Severus reached up, clutching at his arm, the Dark Mark. He knew it was the sign of true minions of Voldemort, it was something he would have to get one day. A key, a brand to his contract for power. Yet would it be enough, would it be enough to not have Lily. Severus felt prying eyes and glanced over his shoulder, an older woman was watering her plants it seemed, but her eyes were on him, it would be raining soon. Severus scowled, watching him, probably worried about the boy who had been here for some time. Severus didn't care, but he did not wish to deal with the police. A lap around a block or two should get the woman to leave him be.

The sun began to fade. Lily found herself reading by lamp light, laying sideways in an arm chair, feet hanging off as she silently let herself fade into her book. Despite their lack of magic, muggles had rather magical ideas. Including information about dragons, wizards, and things they thought were fantasy. Including nightmares. Yet, some of this was so close to the real thing, Lily wondered if any of these were written by wizards living here. A wizard or witch who was muggle born, or half or even just grew up in the muggle world. It didn't really matter, it was just nice to think about. To be able to be happy regardless of who or what you were. Lily had recalled the words of Severus from when they were young. That it did not matter what blood you had. She had so sincerely believed him, but it seemed, even he had lied to her.

"Supper is on!" The voice called to the residents of the home. Lily's eyes rushed, quickly scanning her last few sentences before she closed her book and rushed to join her family for dinner. The dining room was warm, a sleek mahogany table spread to fit at least six people. The off white table clothes, with an ornate flower design sewn into it fell to the seats of the chairs. A china cabinet sat to one side, close to the kitchen. The walls were a somewhat pale blond color, with white moldings like the rest of the home. Oh and her room, which she had magically spruced up her second year back. Her father was seated at one side of the long end, he had short fiery red hair, cut neatly and brushed to the side. He had high cheek bones and an almond shaped face with average build. He looked as though he had only recently returned from work, still in shirt and pants that were less than casual.

Lily's mother had shoulder length dirty blond hair, shimmering green eyes, though duller than her daughters whose was a brighter shade. Long willowy limbs, and full hips despite thin form. Her face was long and sweet, with an aquiline nose. Lily's mother was adorned in a off white blouse with a dark green knee length skirt. Her parents had always been proud of her, here or as a witch they were the only people here who did not seem to be out to find a reason to make her dislike them.

"Looks yummy mum." Lily plopped down in her seat, smiling hungrily at the beef and potato stew that sat before her. Chopped carrots floated in the thick broth. Biscuits sat in the center of the table warm and fresh. Lily's stomach suddenly churned with hunger, the fierce growl getting a light snicker from her father. With flushed cheeks Lily apologized, forgetting that her interaction with Severus had forced her to forget herself in the novel she had been reading.

"Go on then, I'll check on your sister." Mum smiled and started away. Lily reached for a biscuit, but just as her mother reached the archway and the warmth of the biscuit dug into her fingers there was a chortling laugh. Lily looked up like a dear in head lights, her father raising his brows as he sought the source. Lily's mother looked around, spotting their eldest daughter coming from down the steps.

"Lily... Lily oh my." Petunia put her fingers to her lips trying to hold back the raucous laughter that threatened to escape her. The crimson haired girl couldn't help but smile, wondering if her sister actually had something good to tell her.

"He... this is brilliant. That boy is still out there. And and..." As Petunia began to laugh their parents turned to the fiery haired girl whose cheeks burned as fury began to form in her expression. "...and Mr. Tuttleman from two blocks over, he drove by, splashing all over the boy." As Petunia finished, there was a flash from outside.

Like a trinity Lily, her mum and dad all looked to one another. The eyes of the parents curious. Lily shrunk back a little, she had not really informed her parents of the trouble with her former best friend. Someone they had kindly allowed visits in the past. This summer he had no returned.  
>"Severus from Spinner's End? Why don't I go invite him in?" Lily's dad rose from his place, a smirk on his lips at the act of kindness he was about to bestow.<br>"NO!" Lily suddenly cried, a sound too desperate in her voice. Lily placed her hands over her mouth, not realizing her sister had stopped laughing. Only then, did it occur to her, that a thunderstorm had been raging outside, but she'd been too preoccupied with her reading to remember. Now she had the prying eyes of her parents upon her, and the oh so amused ones of Petunia.

Lily laughed nervously, as her mother's concerned eyes drew towards her.  
>"Why not Lily dear? Do you not want your friend to come in? Its dreadful outside." She looked to the window as though expecting to see him. Lily looked around, as though trapped in a corner. Petunia relished in this.<p>

"Didn't you know, Lily has been in a lover's quarrel since she returned from her...school." Petunia did not look pleased to say that last word, as though she were holding something back. Lily turned to her, his brows furrowing once more. She didn't snap for fear she would reveal too much and make the situation worse. Before her parents could ask her about it Lily rose from her place. Rushing to the front door she grabbed an umbrella from the bucket and threw on her the slippers by the door, not caring that they would be useless in this weather. Petunia watched this with an arrogant smirk as the concern on Lily's parents faces only grew.

"I'll be back in a moment. You can start without me." Lily called back with such elation in her voice in an effort to hide the obvious frustration. However Petunia knew, and Lily's parents could tell their daughter was concerned. The reason lost on them.

The cold rain was beating down on the world. Lily sighed once again, finding it was becoming a pass time of hers this summer. Quickly she popped open the white umbrella, blue clouds played across it. For once, this did not amuse her. Lily took the two steps of her porch in one. Quickly making her way along the walk way her feet were immediately soaked. Her eyes fell to the sidewalk, scanning through the falling silver until she saw Severus. She took to a jog the second she exited her yard, making her way quickly towards him. He noticed, and looked up, but she could not make out his features through the rain. Like a veil to hide him, knowing she could not look clearly into those deep obsidian orbs.

"Go home!" She started, stopping several feet from him. Her slippers were soaked but she could see his clothes clinging to his flesh far too heavily. His hair was curled and darker if at all possible, he had a bit of gray dotting on one sleeve, it must have been from the splash of the vehicle.  
>"I want to speak to you Lily!" Severus called out past the pouring rain. Lightning flashed above them.<br>"Go... you'll catch your death out here." Lily called back, hoping to persuade him to leave. The anger in her voice mixed with her concern. Why could she not erase that air of concern.

"Please, hear me out." Severus took a step closer, Lily recoiled gently. Severus stopped, and for a moment she saw the flicker of hurt in his eyes. But she could not waver, he had broken their bond.  
>"I did! Remember?" Lily called out, her furious gaze recreating the image of that day for him. When she helped him and he snapped. When she asked why she was different and he could not think of anything to say. Severus bit his lip, seeing the fury in her eyes.<p>

"I'm sorry."  
>"I don't care. You should never have said... <em>it.<em>" Lily stumbled on the last word, not wanting to repeated what he had called her. Severus frowned deeply, wishing she would forgive him.

"I didn't mean it I was just..." Severus was cut off.  
>"Hurt! Upset! I know it must have been painful Severus." Severus, when did she stop using his shorter name. "I can't imagine how you really felt. I just wanted to help you! To take care of you like you did me!" Lily felt tears welling in her eyes. Never had she actually confessed to him exactly how she had felt that day. Severus brows furrowed, as if she had instilled some anger in him. Though there was something else, something she was unsure of.<p>

"But you know what... Severus, the worst, the worst was when you... you said... _IT!_" Lily cried out, her hands clenched the umbrella so violently she thought it would break. How did it always come to this, her yelling at him while he stood there, searching for an answer. If only, if only he could find one.

"I didn't-" Lily's hand rose to cut him off.  
>"It wasn't the word so much Severus. I had heard it from your... you <em>friends <em>plenty. What truly bothered me, what really hurt me is that _you_, the person I believed in. The best friend who taught me what it was to be a witch, the person who let me know, that no matter what others words didn't matter. That my blood would not change anything. For so long, despite the hazing I believed it. But you befriended them, have some crazy ambition to join the hunting party of VOLDEMORT!"

The name did not dissuade her in her rage. Normally she would not dare, but there was nothing holding her back. Severus stared with wide eyes, his hands trembling at his sides. What could he do? Severus felt his will breaking, but he felt something rushing for him. As though Lily were about to unveil a curtain that hid a terror.  
>"The worst, the worst is that you destroyed what I believed. As long as you were my friend I believed that my blood didn't matter, that nothing they said would change anything. But when you said it... I..." Lily couldn't scream anymore as her words faded from rage to sorrow, Severus saw her shoulders begin to shake. When did it become so that every time he talked to her she cried. Severus had done something horrible, he had said more than a foul name. He had broken something in her. Destroyed perhaps one of the most important things he said to her.<p>

"I don't want to make you filthy Severus. So just... leave me alone. Please." Lily took one tentative step towards him. Severus lips parted, he wanted to say something. Anything but he could not muster the right words. Instead there was suddenly the halt of rain and the drum of it over his head. Lily was holding out the umbrella.  
>"Keep it, go home before you get sick." Lily let go of the umbrella, making it fall to his head. Severus quickly caught the handle and lifted it, but as he removed it from blocking his view she was already running back into her yard. Severus stood, silent. Just, what had he done?<p> 


	2. What's in a name?

"Snivelus...Snivelus." The name emanated the room with an extreme level of discomfort as it was chanted over and over. Her red locks tussled around the bed as her brows forward and her head tossed from side to side. Lily's closed eyes signaled that she was in fact sleeping despite the constant rustling and sweat trickling down her brow. However her groans and cries carried farther than one would think. Lily's door opened suddenly, a scowling Petunia glaring in at her sister.

Her puffy crimson cheeks and flared nostrils indicated she was ready to shout, however she seemed stunted at the sight of Lily slumbering while groaning and moaning in her tangle of sheets. Petunia's brow rose; taking a tentative step inside she listened carefully, hoping to catch whatever it was that had been making her sister cry out in her sleep. Petunia had been disturbed by the muffled sound, assuming her sister was up to something else, or maybe having a yell at Severus out the window again, but no. Lily was surprisingly still in bed having what seemed to be an audible nightmare of some sort. Petunia remained there for nearly a minute, ready to give up when suddenly the name escaped Lily's lips again.

"Sniv-el-us?" Petunia tilted her head as she repeated it, as if trying to decipher the meaning behind this word. Petunia pondered it over, knocking over a jar of ink as she raised her hand. The older girl jumped back with a light shriek as Lily suddenly jerked up.

"Severus!" Lily looked around hastily, urgency in her wide eyes as she sought the shadowy figure that was not there. In her frantic search she took in her sister who was hastily stepping back from where the small jar had spilled.

"Tuney? Good morning." Lily said wearily as she brushed some of her locks from her face. Petunia looked up suddenly, the shock in her eyes fading as she silently hopped over the ink spill.

"I came in- to see what all the noise was about." Petunia clarified without provocation, glancing at the ink once more as if it were acid that would burn through her shoe should she make contact.

"Noise?" Lily swung her legs off of the bed, curious and confused by Petunia's claim. She caught the black puddle and instinctively went for her wand which rested beside her bed on the small table. "Scourgify." Lily muttered groggily, unaffected by the spill.

Tuney scowled at the sight of the magic, crinkling her noise as though she had just been hit with the scent of rotting sewage. Lily didn't seem to notice as she set down the wand again, raising a hand to cover her yawn.

"The noise you were making. Something about _snivel us_. What is it?" Petunia asked as she pushed the curtain to Lily's window aside, careening her neck over to peer out, her eyes searching for something. Petunia did not notice the solemn look that crossed Lily's features. The name did not bring back fond memories. It came with guilt, shame and hurt. Lily closed her eyes, both focusing on the memory and attempting to dispel it. Just a few days ago she had snapped at Severus to never come near her again. There was a horrible downpour that night, but today it was a beautiful shining day, the sky shown the most brilliant azure with a few ivory tufts hanging about.

"Its nothing." Lily forced out, her dream, or rather nightmare rushing back to her. This seemed enough to rouse Petunia from whatever had interested her outside. Finding Lily, Petunia seemed unwilling to give in and even walked over, plopping onto the bed, crawling over it; stopping to sit next to her younger sister.

"Nothing? Oh come now it has to be more than nothing. The way you were struggling. You can tell me." Petunia fluttered her lashes innocently, unconvincingly. But Lily, needing to confide in someone, and still somewhat desperate to maintain a relationship with her sister, caved.

"It's a name." She said weakly, reaching up to wipe her brow. Lily felt the moisture there and not until that moment did she realize how hot she really felt. The dream must have taken a far deeper toll upon her than she realized with how much sweat coated her.

"Name?" Petunia suddenly seemed very interested. More so than before if at all possible.  
>"Yeah... I said it to Severus. When... well I was furious with him. I know I shouldn't have. It was so mean what those boys called him. Did to him." Lily was clutching her bed pants, the knit in her brow growing tighter. Petunia's lip tugged into a smirk, forcing herself to resist laughing. Petunia reached up, hesitantly patting her sister's back just to keep from bursting with joy at the name that had been given to the boy from Spinner's End.<p>

"It's... um..." Petunia feared that if she continued to speak she would laugh. Her body jerked gently causing Lily to look up at her. Petunia's face was red, her lips were pursed firmly. Lily's brow rose as her sister looked away, pretending to cough so that she could hide her amusement. Lily couldn't help but knit her brows, before she suddenly rose from her place.

"Anyway, thank you for waking me Tuney." Lily made her way to her dresser, pulling open a drawer to sift through it. Her eyes scanned the contents as Petunia now grazed her eyes over Lily's back. Lily seemed oddly aloof as she went through her things, and Petunia rose to stand. Lily plucked something from her dresser, a smile coming to her lips as she took in the garment. It was a sky blue t-shirt on it the image of an adorable narwhal sailed through the stars.

Tuney placed her hands on her hips, confounded as she asked "Plan on going somewhere?". She seemed as though she were perturbed by the very thought of her sister going out into the open world. Appearing too edgy even by her usual standards. Lily smiled at her sister, then set the shirt down.

"Out. For the day I think." Lily spoke cheerily, as though the moment of tension that had lingered before was swept away with the nearest wind. Lily figured a day away from home would do her some good, maybe she could see if any of her primary school friends were around. Petunia's lips parted, about to ask just what her sister could plan to do for so long but the sound of a car horn outside sent her tongue in another direction.

"Gotta go. Don't do anything weird now Lily. Especially not anywhere they know me." Petunia spoke hurriedly as she power walked, nearly running for the door. Lily could easily heard her older sister bid a farewell to their mother as she slammed the front door. The red head made her way to the window, curious as to the commotion. She was able to see her sister close her friend's car door just before they accelerated away.

Severus sat silently in his room, his eyes fixed on the only thing that was not dark and dismal. A white umbrella with blue clouds upon it. Lily had given it to him some days ago, after she had revealed to him the deepest portions of her pain. At first he had debated throwing it aside, or leaving it for her on her porch. But like an anchor for a ghost, it somehow helped him to keep his promise. He couldn't ignore her of course, occasionally finding ways to spot her, she seemed to still be smiling. So as usual, Lily was able to get past whatever tormented for her the most part. But something about knowing he had this, and the memory of the other day stinging at his mind kept him from approaching her. From trying again.

Instead he had pondered for the past few days, the immensity of his actions. How they could have affected her, and he replayed that horrible, horrible day in his mind over and over and over again. Much to his dismay the feelings of remorse did not lessen. If anything the burden and truth of their weight only continued to apply more pressure until he wasn't sure he would be able to stand upright ever again. But his black eyes remained locked onto that umbrella. Sitting against the gray wall paper, by the wooden door which looked ready to fall off.

His mind continued to roll around perhaps the most important question ever posed to him. Why was Lily Evans different from other mud... muggle-borns. Severus knew one answer. But cowardice continued to latch at his neck like a leash and keep him from being able to tell her the truth. Severus sighed, reaching up his hand long to slide slender pale fingers through his greasy dark hair. He needed a bath, he'd been so distraught he had not taken one since that night. The weight of the friendship had impacted him that day as well. All this time, while being best friends he thought she had cared less than he had. But when she revealed how his foul mouth had affected her, he realized just how dedicated to the friendship she had been as well. It was heart wrenching, but he could find no way to resolve this.  
>It was not some potion where the correct ingredients, and a bit of tweaking could make it better. It was a person, it was Lily. He'd thought he'd known her so well and yet he could not come up with the way to win her back. His eyes trailed over to the crumpled heap of parchment that pooled out of a tiny litter can. The dented shape wretched and more apparent as the paler material that filled it made the dark metal gaps more apparent. Severus had been working on a speech, things to say to bring her around. But nothing seemed right. There was just no easy way to figure this out. With the marauders, his only choice was to fight back. With Lily it seemed he should not fight. But where would it get him, but left out silenced in the cold pouring rain. "Perhaps a shower will do me some good."<p>

Severus had to use his wand to ensure the towel he used was dry. The shower had lacked any heat and he was determined to remove the cold that made him shiver. Still, it had helped numb his thoughts, forcing him to think about how unpleasant it had been in the icy sputter under the faucet compared to his troubles. Clearing a veil which had shrouded his mind. Now that he was out, and his thought energy restored, Severus had formulated a plan to speak to her. Severus would try to be cheerful. To get close without immediately apologizing. Perhaps he could bring flowers, make it up to her. Give her a lily flower, though that might be too cliche. Some chocolate? Severus had wondered if the romantic path shown in movies would really work.

He vaguely recalled a man staring a woman in the face just outside of an airplane ready to take her away. He warned her she couldn't go, that she would have nothing without him. That she would throw her life away. Apparently this had been enough to convince the woman to throw her arms around him and kiss him passionately. Severus didn't quite understand, it almost seemed like the man was threatening her or at least demeaning her choice until she chose to stay with him. Severus didn't think anyone would actually be affected by such words, especially not Lily. He could picture her only becoming even more furious if that were possible. Vaguely he recalled something about a woman, hell, and fury.

Much to his relief Lily's home came into view. The sun was already on its down slope, though the sky still shown blue. Severus had walked this road so many times sometimes he was astounded at how fast he could walk it. Other times it felt as though he were moving too slow. Today was one of those days. He'd been so anxious, with his haphazard plan to attempt to befriend her once more. Severus thought if he came to her without the tension, with the pathetic apologies she might be more willing to speak to him. Severus figured if he could keep the conversation away from there then he would have a chance. He was not sure how slim it might be but it was his only idea right now. Severus had pondered for days and could not figure out anything that did not involve confessing to her. Severus did not need Lily to disdain him as well possess the awkward knowledge of knowing his true feelings for her. Severus could not really take rejection on top of what he was already enduring.

Severus had adorned himself in the best of casual clothes that he had. Though it meant he was still adorned in nearly all black, or grayish black from head to toe. After all it was the easiest way to hide the filth he'd once learned. Though Severus had made sure these garments were cleaned, even if he'd had to wash them in the bath a few days ago and then put them to hang dry and keep an eye on them for several hours. It was like watching paint dry without the entertainment of watching drips race down along the wall. His hair was brushed today, freshly cleaned from his cold shower as was the rest of him. He'd even stolen a dab of his father's cologne. Something he hoped would not be noticed when he returned home. Sometimes the man just seemed to notice a change and would no doubt sniff Severus out, literally.

He was nary a foot from the walk way to Lily's lawn when a car pulled up. There was a violent combo of a horn honks going off making Severus jump as he turned to scowl. It took him only a moment of actually examining them to figure out who they were. A moment later Petunia appeared from the car confirming his suspicions as she stepped out and looked at him with just as much intensity in her beady dark eyes as he had for her.

Severus barely heard the voices of her friends. Petunia quickly turned to them and he was certain she was explaining him away. Severus crossed his arms, noticing the eyes in the car that were upon him now before there was a reassured round of nods. Petunia smiled and beckoned them farewell before she turned her venomous gaze on Severus again. Petunia seemed as though she were going to say something, but instead they just glared silently before she started for the fence. After one step in she stopped turned to him and if possible her frown deepened.  
>"She's not here Snivelus. She's been out all day." Severus immediately went rigid as Petunia said this. She didn't show her usual amusement as she spoke, however she did take note of the new rage that seemed to inhabit his eyes now. Petunia hoped Lily really wasn't home, praying her sister's words about being out the entirety of the day were true.<p>

"Where did you hear that name!" Severus snapped at her, his nails dug so forcefully into his palm he was sure he would begin to bleed if he kept it up. Petunia's brow rose and she took a concerned tentative step into the yard and away from him. Petunia remembered when a tree branch had hit her when upon causing him some displeasure..  
>"Snivelus? Oh, Lily told me about it this morning. Said it was a nick name she used to call you. I figured I'd just make you feel as well as you do when at that freak school of yours." Petunia snidely confessed. Severus knew Petunia tried to pick fights with him, but the fact that she knew the name, as well as the negative feelings it brought up blurred Severus' mind more than it had been before his shower. The urge to grab his wand and curse her was coming upon him. Dark emotions beginning to swell. Petunia did not bother to stay for the silent enmity that was building. The chagrin between them was enough to warn her better.<p>

With an arrogant and proud smirk she started up the walk way, trying to seem calm but she was hurrying her steps. Severus' mind was a melting pot of intense acrimony. He was only pulled from his stupor when he heard the front door to the home slam closed. Severus' head snapped towards the noise, only to quickly turn on his heel. Severus felt the need to let it out, but he didn't want to be expelled. He didn't have anyone to take it out on and the one person who could answer his questions was away.

Severus decided to go for a walk.

The sun was already gone when Lily finally emerged on her street. Severus spotted her from down the block and started walking towards her. He'd been stalking around Cokeworth for some time now, being weary and avoiding being too open in his movments so as not to disturb the neighbors. Lily was distracted, happily finishing off an ice cream she had purchased on the way home. Lily did not immediately notice him, distracted as she tried to lick at the melting remnants that threatened to sticky her hand.

"How could you!" His voice penetrated the darkness like a javelin. Lily suddenly jumped, clutching her treat to the point of making what she had been trying to prevent happen more rapidly. Lily's emeralds searched and found the smoldering black orbs, like coal threatening to ignite. Severus Snape was out right pissed.

"S-Severus?" Lily had to admit, she was a little scared and confused. "What are you talking about!" She tried to raise her voice in return, but she found herself still a bit intimidated. It vaguely reminded her of how he had looked at James when he taunted Severus.

"You told her! You told your wretched sister about..."  
>"She's not wretched!"<br>"Snivelus!" Their voices mixed together. Lily's eyes widened, at first seriously confused and shocked. But the memory of her morning came rushing back to her. Lily suddenly felt really guilty. She had been concerned when she saw Petunia nearly sniggering but had hoped she would not go this far. Still if he had only stayed away.

"Severus its not what you think?" Lily started. Severus and her now stood only five feet apart somehow he had closed that distance without her really noticing. Lily stood. afraid to get closer to him, and surprisingly enough he was afraid to draw nearer towards her. Unsure if he could resist the torrent of emotions telling him to seek the truth.

"Then what? She told me you said it was a nick name you gave me." Severus heart and mind were not together on this. His heart begging for reconciliation told him this was a lie. Petunia was just trying to get his goat. His mind refused to listen, thinking Lily's spite had truly turned her against him.

"I didn't... I-" Lily felt her throat going dry, she had no idea she was still holding the treat that was melting around her fingers.  
>"Then how did she know it?" Severus seemed to be calming, his eyes going from rage to hurt as he reminded himself of Lily using it against him.<p>

"This morning. I had a nightmare. I remembered when I said it." Lily confessed, for once unable to find herself angry at him. Severus eyes shifted, it seemed he was trying to work this out in his own mind.  
>"And you told her?" Severus head shifted back as if disgusted. Lily felt a sting of rage at this. Who was he to get upset at her for this? At least she'd had no control over when she said it to Tuney. Lily had been asleep for the transaction.<p>

"She asked alright. Its not as though I blurted it out." Lily now spoke with a bit of disdain, and she knew Severus got the point by the look that flashed across his dark eyes.  
>"Besides, aren't you the one who said Tuney's words couldn't bother you." Lily didn't know why, but there was a sense of satisfaction in the look that continued. Still part of her was churning, yelling at herself for fighting with Severus again. Severus lips parted, it seemed like he wanted to raise a point about this topic but withdrew suddenly. Some part of him knowing better than to push along this path.<p>

"Lily." Severus flame seemed to have diminished. No longer could he hold onto the fury that had boiled inside of him. Of course he would believe Lily over Petunia. Lily was right, Severus had once said that Petunia could not bother him. She was just a muggle after all, a jealous whelp whose outside was as ugly as her insides. Not that Severus said the last part to Lily.  
>But left to boil in his rage at Petunia while waiting for Lily tonight, Severus had once again let his agitation come out at her. Severus needed to figure out why Lily was always his target. Why was Lily always the one who was the victim of his most violent outbursts?<p>

Severus could blame it on the fact that he felt at ease speaking to her, but that did not explain why his cruelty lashed out at Lily rather than the ones who sparked it. Lily was supposed to be his comfort, and yet he tarnished that. But whatever it was that had her still standing here, waiting on him Severus did not want to let it go. But if he remained silent she would start without him again, going into her home where he would not be able to speak to her. His mind was quickly racing through thoughts, shredding that which was useless as he sought something to say.

"I don't want to fight anymore." Perhaps the truth would work for a start.  
>"Then why do you keep coming around?" Lily couldn't hold it back and yet she wished she had held her tongue as she saw the twinge of pain flash in his eyes. Severus however would not be disheartened, his fists clenched and a determined air seemed to surround him.<p>

"Because I can't stand not being your friend!" Severus confessed the lightest level of his feelings. Lily's eyes flashed. She had not expected a real answer after all.  
>"It was rhetorical." Lily sounded so dumbfounded as she said this, not convinced by her own words and instead ensnared by his. Severus once again did not seem dissuaded.<p>

"Tomorrow. Let's meet." Lily instantly gained herself, processing the purpose of his words she shook her head at his words.  
>"I don't want to Severus. I gave you your chance. Lots of them actually. Just because you can roam freely here doesn't mean you should come around whenever you've the opportunity. I haven't even told mum and dad that we had a fight, or rather I haven't revealed what you did."<br>Lily had not been willing to explain just how heinous he had been towards her. Petunia had the other night, decided to divulge the debacle to their parents. Sharing in a matter Lily had wished was more private than it already was. For she knew it would do nothing but breed more anger and hatred, something Lily had done her best to avoid. Severus swallowed, his brows knotted firmly but he couldn't back down now. If she didn't want to speak to him later he would have to try now.

"Don't forgive me then." Severus suddenly let out. Lily once more was taken aback. She felt as though her eyes would bulge from her skull at this rate.

"W-what?" Lily stuttered, by now her treat was a puddle on the ground.

"Don't forgive me then. I obviously can't make you. Besides what I said was unforgivable wasn't it?" Severus had suddenly come to realize that this constant feud was because he wanted back something he had broken. Well, he could not have what was broken, and she would not give it.  
>"I do not wish to continue battling with you like this Lily." Severus took a step forward. "But I can't just let my best friend go." Their eyes were locked together, Lily's wide with bewilderment. Lily's lips parted, wanting to protest, to tell him that they were not best friends. That a best friend would never have done such a thing. But she couldn't, her will to push him away was halted for the moment.<p>

"I'll be at the park, everyday at noon. In the forest edge by the creek where we used to play. I'll wait for you." Severus had no idea what he was doing. What he was saying even. This sounded foolish. Stupid. But it was his best chance. Lily's bright green eyes illuminated the night. She looked like a deer in head lights as she took this in. Severus couldn't help but smirk gently, somehow proud he'd gotten this reaction.  
>"Good night Lily." Severus turned and started walking back towards his home. Any longer and he may lose the confidence he had gained. Lily watched him go, slowly becoming more and more a shadow in the darkness. It wasn't until he was out of sight that she finally found her voice.<p>

"Wait Sev!" But there was no answer. Lily was focused on the last spot she had seen him. his words rushing in her mind. Her heart for some reason was beating into her ears now. Her cheeks were flushed as she recalled the look in his eyes as he had told her not to forgive him. It was almost like he was starting to understand and yet was he not just still grasping at straws she had tried to pull away. Attempting to cross a bridge that was burned from both ends. Could they really be best friends again? Or even friends?


	3. Unveiled Desires

"Lily." Severus' voice was hoarse, it was as if it was the first time he had ever spoken before. He had feared this moment would not come. That Lily would chose to not come see him after that night 9 moons ago. But there Lily stood, crimson locks burning under the rays that trickled through the canopy above. Her emerald eyes were glistening, but he could not decipher the emotion within them. Still Lily was here and for the moment that was all that mattered to Severus. It gave him the flicker of hope that he had feared burned out a day or two ago.

Lily felt her heart racing. Thumping violently in her ears as she spotted him, sitting on a broken tree that had fallen years ago. By now it was moss covered and looked eaten by termites. Severus was here, he was actually sitting here. Just like he had said he would be. Nine days later and Severus remained in this place. His oily black hair looked somewhat disheveled. His pale skin looked somewhat more pallid, but there was a light in his dark eyes that she had seen ignite when he said her name. Severus, still somehow remained so loyal despite their fight. Lily could hardly believe that after nine days Severus was still here. Of course she believed he went home at night, but it appeared that he returned here. Everyday, probably for hours on end if she knew him well enough still.  
>Lily was right, Severus had been here everyday, hours on end awaiting her. He'd been close to giving in that she would arrive. It had been a week when the sting of her possible choice to ignore him began to set in. Still he clung to the belief that she would come, if only to speak to him once more. Their conversations had been a good number of 'why' and yet they felt as though none of them had let a true answer come to fruition.<p>

"Severus." Lily spoke a bit defiantly, she had not intended it but she was here with a defense up. She could not simply let him back in without some kind of penance. Though he had been trying so hard for some time now, it was almost hard to find a reason to make him have to work for her friendship. Severus had been putting in so much effort already. Lily was fighting back an urge that was building. This feeling inside that she was swallowing, the one that told her to run to him and wrap her arms around him. Her best friend, who said he would not need her forgiveness if she stayed close to him. Those words had clung to Lily the most, the way he spoke them. It hinted at something more. At a feeling that caused butterflies to flutter in her stomach as a hummingbird laid the pace of her heart. The sheer conviction of his desire to remain with her regardless of her opinion of him. It seemed sad but somehow so romantic.

Severus did not seem to notice her defiance or he just didn't care. Severus couldn't stop looking at his red haired love. Lily felt her cheeks flush as she stood in the small clearing. The creek sang a lulling song beside them as their eyes locked. Severus gazed at Lily so intently she began to feel both warm and uncomfortable. Shifting slightly she reached up and held her forearm as her eyes forced themselves away from his. Something about the way he looked at her made her begin to feel hot and bothered. What was with Severus today? He was different somehow. Had something in the last week caused some kind of change in him.  
>"W-well Severus." Lily stammered out, feeling like her skin was starting to go ablaze under his dark coal colored eyes. Severus seemed to be pulled from his trance, blinking several times before he pushed himself to stand. That's right, Severus had said that he would wait for her, and while he had not said what for, he couldn't expect Lily to just come here and leave empty handed. Severus ran a hand through his dark locks, they had turned a bit greasy, his growing depression had drawn him from bed to creek without any break in the routine for some time. Even meals had been just what he could grab on the way out to the door or to bed. Which obviously was not much. Severus glanced Lily up and down, she was in a shirt and jeans and she still looked pretty. Severus couldn't help smile tenderly, he was in a dirty shirt and pants. Perhaps he had let himself slip a bit too much for the little over a week he had been waiting. Somehow despite her casual appearance Severus still felt as though he were under dressed for her presence.<br>"I'm rather pleased you came. Honestly, I began to fear you would not show." Severus stared at her with a curious joy. Happy that she had shown up at all. Severus began to approach her, moving slowly. The leaves crinkled under his steps. Lily's eyes suddenly went to him, she seemed startled at his approach.  
>"I throttled Petunia!" Lily called out, tensing up. Lily just needed to say something to keep him from getting closer.<br>Severus suddenly stopped, his brow raising.  
>"Did you now?" He asked, a hint of amused disbelief in his tone. Severus stopped where he was, noticing she was like a caged rabbit, jumpy as he drew closer and closer. Lily's eyes shifted, her cheeks turning a brighter shade of red. Severus really did know her too well at times. The gaze he held was telling her he didn't believe her, that he noticed her actions. Lily wished she had a reflection to glare at.<p>

"No, I didn't. But I was furious with her for what she did. I told her so." Lily confessed a bit weakly and Severus couldn't help but smirk. Lily couldn't really fight her sister. Severus knew that Lily cared greatly for family bonds, and that she would usually cry in the face of Petunia's disdain rather than release a fury towards her. Severus still had to admit he was somewhat proud that she had said anything to Tuney at all. But that was almost ten days ago. Even more so he could not ask her to fight her own sister for him, it would only reverse his desire to be free of needing protection and would create a further stress that may just send her farther from him.  
>"We ended up quarreling.. It did not go... as I had hoped." Lily admitted as her shoulders deflated, obviously feeling displeasure thanks to the situation. Severus' chuckle pulled her from these thoughts as she shot to look at him. He was smiling, she was sad and he was smiling. That jerk!<p>

"You don't need to fight your sister for me. Fighting for me is what got us here." Severus admitted, and his smile faded. Lily seemed to suddenly become stern, a clarity in her eyes as she let her arms fall to her sides. Severus knew he said something wrong.

"No its not Severus." Lily spoke so clearly, with such conviction that Severus realized Lily's decision on this matter. She had not forgiven him, but Severus could not blame Lily for it. It must have been far worse than being called Snivelus. Severus could see a glint in her eyes, he had taken a step back and she was ready to do the same. Perhaps he had not changed. Perhaps this could not be saved. But they both wanted it to be. If Severus could forgive her cry of Snivelus, then why couldn't she forgive him. Albeit the circumstances were not the same, the two people involved had a strong enough bond that there must be something to save.

"You're right... you're right. I never should have let it happen. There is no excuse. Especially because you were trying to aid me." Severus had not felt as though he truly admitted to his mistake before. He had apologized and said it slipped out but never had he really said that he had said it. Not like this anyway. Never had he really taken it beyond a nightmare into his reality. But it was true, Severus had said it and there was no excuse he could make to take it back or make its weight seem lessened.

Lily's lips tugged into a small smile, and she took a step closer to him. Lily's fists clenched as she lifted her arms in front of her, pressing to her own chest. Severus noticed, his attention suddenly pulled to full alert. Lily was not recoiling, not using her usual defense that she had held up to him this summer. Lily noticed that Severus did not have the meek air of weakness and desperation that he had held. Had it washed away with the days that passed. Just as her shield had been lowered. Yes, the time apart had allowed his words to sink into her, and his actions to sink into him. Severus had laid a heavy weight on Lily, giving her the choice of coming down here or not. To continue their friendship or destroy it.  
>The should would not admit it to him, it had been a relief not worrying if he was sneaking around her home. Though she had been worried whether or not he was going back to his. Severus did not appear ill, so he must have been going home. Someone would normally get sick even during the summer if they had slept out here all this time. Still he looked thinner than usual, not quite up to his usual par. When he had asked her to come here he had been dressed well and obviously better fed. Now she could see the strain this time had taken upon him.<p>

"Severus." Lily started, her smile faded. There was something that had been on her mind for some time. As she debated coming to see him, this thought had leaked into her mind nearly every chance she thought to give him. This unfair venom that coursed through any purity she attempted to bestow Severus. The tension was so thick that Severus could feel it. Severus could tell the next thing Lily would say was going to be important. He straighted up, gripping his elbows as he stood before her. Lily seemed to be taking a moment to collect herself, trying to carefully form the words before speaking. But reading her expressions was making Severus tense as well as keeping him calm.

"Why? Why did you use that name on me? You know how I feel, you knew then. So regardless why did you ever use that term? Really." Lily asked calmly. Firmly. Severus flinched with a dark look. Severus was sure he would have to answer this one day in its entirety, but still the way she asked had caught him off guard. The look in her shimmering emeralds, it was as if she had verita serum swimming in her eyes.  
>The dark haired young man did not need to think about why. He had for some time now. Severus had known and yet still he used the term with his friends. His friends? Were they? They hated Lily and wanted nothing more than for them to part. So they could hurt anyone they want and not have to worry about that one special and Lily had been here before, where he had to explain himself. But somehow he knew his answers before had been half hearted. Even if Avery and Mulciber's humor had only been cruel and childish, it could become so much worse. Severus knew they hated her kind. These past days had given him plenty of time to think about it. To collect and formulate a real answer for her. It would not be favorable, but it was something that he had been forced to admit to himself as well. Severus eyes became half mast, his lips curved into his well known frown, and for a moment Severus seemed more mature than he ever had.<p>

"Because I felt pathetic being saved. Again and again put down by those blaggards. Honestly, the _others-"_ Lily could tell what he meant when he said this, relating to the slytherin "convinced me it was even worse to need the help of someone who is... muggle born. I was angry at you, for coming to help me. Enraged that you assumed I needed your help."

Lily was about to snap that he had needed it, but she held her tongue, closing her mouth again. She was enraged by these words. Still Lily would need to let him finish, she was already angry at him, but he was giving her the truth and she had asked for it. Still she felt tears welling in her eyes hearing that he had been convinced. That he was upset with her for helping him.

"Regardless that I was unable to break free prior to your appearance, I was rather upset already. Then my humiliation only grew when you saved me, when Potter asked you to date him to free me. I felt more as a tool than I ever had. It upset me to see him want you and for a moment my heart and mind went black, thinking it was a possibility. So I retaliated at you, because I was furious with you. With the possibility of where you would go at this rate. That you might eventually think he was better even though you made it clear you think him as bad as me when he tried to make me apologize." Severus admitted the truth and it created a thick lump in his throat. It clogged his esophagus making sure he could make no additions, nor could he swallow his words. By now Lily had furious tears running down her cheeks, but she stared at him with a straight face and burning vibrant emerald eyes. Severus could swear her fury would explode from her eyes. But Lily let it out another way.

Her hand stung warm, his eyes were wide, now facing away from her with a red print of her palm on his cheek. Lily was furious with him, if only he had said this before, maybe she wouldn't have come here. Or maybe she could have gotten over it already. But that was not the path laid before them. Severus' dark orbs found Lily, he turned to face her, fists at his sides, biting back the sting, refusing to touch it and show her any sign of weakness. "I deserved th-!"  
>Another one came across the other cheek. Severus stumbled one step, but caught himself. Lily was enraged, and he had gotten a slap for something he did. His head snapped around.<p>

"Bloody hell Lily!" Severus cried out. Lily was glaring at him, tears still streaming down her cheeks. Severus frowned, why would she not speak. Why was she crying? "Why are you hi-" Her hand rose again but this time he caught it. Lily did not flinch, she just kept glaring at him.

"You mental git." Lily forced out, but it was almost a squeak, an intense sadness in her voice. Lily found herself crying a lot lately. It was frustrating. She never used to cry _this_ much. "How could you let them convince you of that!" Lily cried out.  
>Severus didn't say anything, he just still held her, and she didn't try to pull away.<br>"How could you think I would let myself be manipulated by that stupid prat!" Lily found herself shouting at him. Severus did not flinch, or show the surprise he had bared before. No he was just staring at her, letting her get it all out. Though he did not like her hitting him.

"How could you attack me like that? How could you think so little of YOURSELF!" Her other hand flew up, flying towards him, but it was captured suddenly and Lily stumbled back as he stumbled forward. Lily grunted as she impacted a tree, her back pressed firmly to it her legs supporting her as Severus pinned her hands by her head, meanwhile glaring down at her with black eyes. Lily glared back with bright green ones. They both looked angry, but none of them really were. It was as if the tension of their friendship was manifesting itself finally.

"You!" Severus finally spoke up, and Lily had to admit she found herself once again surprised by his reason. "You make me feel little. You do more to me than anyone else ever could." Severus hold on her wrists tightened a bit. Lily didn't wince, it didn't hurt but she could sense the stress, anymore and he might really begin to hurt her. But Lily held her ground. She didn't say anything, she assumed it was similar to the way he could hurt her feelings more than anyone else. But that was only a fraction of how he really felt. A fraction of the true control that Lily Evans had over Severus Snape.

"You never notice." Severus started, and this seemed to catch Lily's attention. The flare of rage in her eyes softened, and sincere curiosity started to take its place. Severus, he may have been speaking angrily, but it was in this soft simmering tone. He always was like that, instead of full raging fire he was like a tunnel that kept the fire and released the scalding air that could cook you alive. It was sort of intimidating in this moment. Oddly invigorating, it held her more than a raised voice could.

"You never notice the way I look at you. You never notice how disturbed I truly am that you may fall for Potter." Severus continued to confess and Lily's heart reacted more than her mind. While she tried to fathom what his words could truly mean her heart raced and her cheeks flushed. Her heart knew what her head was afraid to admit. Because, it could be so much worse if tragedy befell them and they took this path.

"S-Sev..." Lily muttered his name, her body did not fight his. She did not fight how close Severus seemed to be now. The world seemed to fade and the lullaby of the creek was mute under the sound of her heart and his breath. Lily was desperate to hear every word, to find the code to a truth he had hidden and she had refused to see. Somewhere inside, Lily wanted to hear those words that seemed forbidden to them. Those words that could have taken them farther and made this crash worse. Or perhaps they could have saved this from ever becoming. But Lily's mind kept her baffled, forcing her to remain unaware of the true sparks that seemed to be igniting between them. Lily was not used to Severus being this forceful, and though he seemed to be capturing her, there was a tender control to ensure he did not hurt her. Lily somehow found herself appreciating this control in him, otherwise this might really become scary.

"Lily, you are the reason that I think so little of myself. That I cannot find the urge to step away. Its like, being close to a flame and not feeling any of the warmth." Severus spoke with such romantic terms that Lily found herself flushed with the beauty of the sentence, though she found herself unsure of his intent.

"But, I was always with you. Helping you or studying or having fun. Isn't that enough to se-"  
>"No. It wasn't enough. Its not enough." Severus leaned in closer, his nose brushed hers and Lily found herself ready to drown in thos obsidian eyes. So dark and round, like a blackhole she could vanish into. "It will not ever be, enough." Severus sighed at the end, frustration washing over him. Did Lily really need it spelled out?<p>

"It's that innocent closeness, that proximity without an inkling of the same sensation returning is what bothered me the most." Severus admitted, finding a boldness he had failed to muster to tell her before.

"Why?" Lily asked, forgetting the awkward position they were in. Lily felt like she understood, but for some reason was trying to coax an answer from him. Her heart guiding her more than her mind. Logic gone to the wind, instead a battle of wills, struggling to finally touch one another. Severus had said he wanted her to return a sensation that he felt. Her heart was beating rapidly in her chest. Any chance they had, anything of what Severus wanted that had stood a chance had been lost when he had broken her spirit. Even if it was only temporary. Though if her will could climb back up, why could not that feeling that had been kept hidden inside for so long. The one that refused to make itself known to even her. The real reason that their departing had hurt so much. That she was here at all, trying to give him another chance. Lily swallowed, oh how she wanted to recognize it. To know it, to be able to feel it without hearing it. But some part of Lily wanted it, some part of Lily knew what she refused to let herself know. Severus her best friend, was more. Kept at bay by his darkness, her candle lit affection never able to melt the wax that he only continued to thicken. But now, in this moment, it seemed like the fire could grow bright enough to scorch away the wax and allow the wick to burn without anything holding it back. All Severus had to do was help ignite the flame. Some part inside of her was screaming for it, for him.

"You could have said something, done something." Lily wasn't sure why she said this. She felt like she was goading him on. There was a reason Lily had come here. There was something she wanted just as much as he did. Even if this was just a step towards it, it was a step previously too afraid to be taken. But Lily, who had felt so strong towards him had been betrayed. She had been weary to give him this much leeway, unsure he would ever gain her favor once more. But how she wanted it, and never would she have given him the chance if not for that night last week. When he no longer asked for forgiveness, no longer begged and pleaded and turned away from her with that certainty that she would come for him somehow it worked. Like a hook catching a fish, she could writhe and fight, but if he continued then she knew somehow she would end up ensnared by him.

"Because..." Severus voice rose just a slight, his eyes searched hers. Lily was searching him, there was an anxious, oddly sweet even cute look. As if she were about to be told a wonderful story of magic and might. Awaiting a climax with keen interest. Severus wanted this, to finally muster the courage to reveal the truth. To tell her that he loved her, that he always had. Severus didn't really want to go back to being just friends. Severus did not wish to watch her slip away, to let her be taken from him. To have to give in as everything he held dear was torn from him. Severus was given the chance, he had created it, and it was up to him to take it. Severus hands loosened from Lily's, and in the fraction of time that he did Lily felt herself saddened.

A feeling of resignation seemed to come from him, and Lily felt as though he had given in. That this would be the end. Severus' dark eyes, were soft, they did not hold the burning fury to force her to hear him out as they had moments ago. Lily wondered, if this was the moment they would really fall apart. If once again Severus would refuse to tell her his feelings. To let them simmer and boil until they exploded again. Severus' grip on her completely ended, she felt his fingers leave her wrists. Lily felt as though Severus were for the first time really letting her go. Rather than her storming away, this somehow bothered her so much more. As if she would never feel him by her side ever again. This time, it was Lily who felt remorse, who felt pain and shame. This was it, he had given up. Lily had been hurt by him, and he tried so hard only to give in now. But was she not doing the same by just avoiding him, by letting this happen.

Could Lily really just let it be this way? Could she just let him walk away, would she be happy just walking away. Always knowing that they were no longer friends because he refused to speak up and she refused to reach out again. Why did this hurt? This mere second of time. It seemed as though it had stopped, just to taunt her. Father Time choosing to let her relish in this unsatisfying ending. Lily felt her chest tighten. Lily's heart seemed to throb painfully. Was this rejection? How could it be, she had not asked for anything. Lily had never asked, never said she wanted it. But she did!  
>Severus had admitted, he had fallen. Been convinced by his so called friends that she was below him. But, he apologized. He didn't think that. Severus was just upset. Angry, and Lily could try to understand that sense of desperation. That war which he always fought alone. Severus had never been cared for, and what he wanted most from her she had never given him. But if they hadn't fought then she might have found the will to give it to him.<br>Despite having her, despite allies in slytherin, Severus was always against Potter and his cronies alone. She was never there when it started, and more often then not her rescue could not prevent his humiliation. Though Potter did taunt her as well, his most embarrassing and frustrating attempts were when he was torturing Severus to try and gain her body. Severus, part of his suffering was because of her. Lily had even thought about it once, debated dating James so that Severus would be kept free of the wrath of James Potter. But what joy would that bring? It would hurt Severus, and she couldn't be really happy with him. A fake relationship, simply for mercy. That was not her style, there was no way she could really have accepted it, and it was the reason Lily had tossed the idea aside. No, it was because Lily had secretly wanted someone else. Lily wanted not the wild fire that burned anyone it disliked. She could only make that burn brighter until it consumed everything. Lily wanted to light the dark and find a nice place in the shade.

Finally Severus' fingers no longer even brushed her wrists. It had been only one second since her thoughts started and yet Lily jerked forward, lips parting to call him. To not let him go away. "Se-"  
>Lily was cut off by his lips. His fingers had instantly slid into hers. Coiling with them, locking their grips together as an explosion went off in her chest. Severus' warm kiss was so firm and yet his lips were firm. Pushing to hers, Lily felt it like hot chocolate spreading through her veins. From her lips it crawled through her and in seconds Lily felt the warmth spreading through her.<br>Severus finally made the leap. Finally took what he wanted. Lily tasted sweet, her flesh was so soft against his own. Their lips, which had seemed to harm one another were finally pulling together to find the pleasure they had both wanted for so long. Lily and Severus finally were sharing their first kiss. Lily forgot she was pinned to the tree, his body pushed closer to hers, her fingers locked more firmly with his and for a moment they euphoric embraced made the world vanish.  
>This is what she had wanted. Severus had thought she did not return his feelings, but they were just simmering and waiting to boil. His decisions had kept her from loving him, from showing him her affections. But his attitude as of late, the danger of a part of her life ending had forced it to rise in her. Lily loved him, and though she had never showed it, she had always secretly wanted to. Even if she could not see it at first. Lily's heart had kept a secret within it, afraid to reveal itself to the miasma of his life. But it seemed like, Severus had somehow burned like a phoenix in this conflict and may come out as more.<br>This is what he had craved. Lily had been about to beckon him back, to not let him give up, and yet he had seemed to find the strength she had wanted to see. All the questions, all the answers, the hurt, the fear, the whys and for what reason. It all left them. In this moment, nothing mattered. Not mudbloods, or Snivelus. Not Potter or Petunia. Not his shame, or her pain. In this wonderful kiss, lips locked, Lily let her eyes drift closed, as did his. Their fingers locked unwilling to let go, their hearts beat together as Severus pushed his body to hers. This is what had always been necessary. Each of them in this moment had been ready to cross the line.

Severus was certain this was heaven. There was not a potion in the world that could compare to this sensation. Severus knew nothing he could brew would ever compare to the wonder of Lily's kiss. Of Lily's lips, which did not withdraw but rather pressed closer. Lily had come here knowing what she wanted, even if she had been hesitant to admit it. This was the answer she sought. Lily's lips parted slightly, a gentle moan escaped her. Severus seemed to catch on and the kiss deepened. Lily's fingers uncoiled from his and though he seemed unwilling to let go at first, he seemed to feel he had taken enough and Lily finally had the chance to wrap her arms around his neck. Severus instinctively wrapped his arms around her, taking her back from the bark as their passion now danced together. They weren't sure how long it lasted, but finally, what seemed like forever and yet too short their lips pulled apart, but they were so close still they breathed one another in.  
>Their eyes opened and sought out the gaze of the other. Lily stared into wonderful black iris, while Severus was given a sweet jade to gaze into. This meant, everything was okay. His words had almost torn them apart, but, here they were, embracing one another after a passionate kiss. Both finally getting what they had desired. Created from the passion of the moment. Staring into one anothers eyes, lost to the world around them. With words they had fumbled, but her arriving, and his waiting, had been an answer that had not been able to be forged from their voices.<p>

"S-Severus." Her first kiss, his own and she could not find the right words. Their breaths mingled together, it was this that had been bubbling beneath the surface for some time. Both of them breathing heavily, their cheeks flushed.

Lily's arms loosened their hold, and gently, her fingers slid down and touched his cheeks. Her green eyes searched in his deep black holes, trying to find the flicker of recognition she wanted.  
>"I thought you said you wanted me to be your best friend." Lily couldn't help but smile, stifling a giggle. "This is a bit much."<br>"You're still my best friend." Severus admitted, looking at her with such an intense emotion that Lily found her cheeks burning even more already. Still her heart was racing so fast, so violently in her chest she was sure that he could hear it. Severus dark eyes would not leave hers, and in the solitude of the park's forest, amidst the sprinkling rays of light something happened. Lily finally reached out and grabbed at what she had been blindly fumbling for. Severus finally broke free of his shackles of fear and remorse. Though they may still have trials laying before them, for this moment the world was perfect. Embracing so close under the canopy of green, not half a year after they had almost been torn apart. Lily tightened her hold on Severus, pulling him down. Severus found her lips and once again they were melting into the embrace of one another. Even if forgiveness was not granted, even if it seemed like it would never be, happiness was not impossible for them. Alone together, the tension and built up desire released as passionate kisses hidden by the gentle lullaby of a creek. 


	4. Terrible Tuney's Trepidation

Clouds gently rolled by overhead. It was a solemn day, the sky fogged in a smoky gray hue. The grass did not seem so green under the silvery glow cast from above. The wind a hushed whisper constant in the ears of passerby. People roamed the streets in coats and carried umbrellas, fearing that they would be caught unprepared if a downpour should arrive. The world did not appear dismal, though it was the kind of day in which one would prefer to simply lay in bed and forget time. However that could not be the case. The hum of automobiles filled the streets of the business districts, people off to work. Those adorned in coats and carrying umbrellas walked along the sidewalks, on their way as well. Children and adolescents either slept in, unable to forsake the joy of being able to do so for the next couple of weeks, or were up and about unwilling to give up the spare hours offered to them for this brief period.

Amongst these youths, stirring about in the wee hours of the morning was a young man with shoulder length ebony locks. His eyes though black like the night seemed to shimmer with delight. Though it would be hard for one to notice with the way his lips seemed to slightly curve downward. His skin though pale was much healthier in texture than it had been as of late. Some meat had grown on his bones once more, thanks to hearty meals. His clothes while of low quality were clean and lacked holes and patches. Severus Snape had begun to take care of himself properly, now that he had the concerns of Lily Evan coming to him. A benefit was the meals she would bring him, if he was not directly invited to dinner. Something which usually disturbed Petunia, Lily's sister. Severus' meals from his own home were lacking to say the least and at times may not even exist. But even now, wearing a black shirt with the sleeves rolled to his elbows, some slightly dingy pants and a pair of scuffed shoes, Severus looked far more exceptional than he had in some time.

This was because his life had finally taken a turn for the better. Something he had finally taken a step towards instead of trying to wait and see if it would work itself out.  
>As he arrived in Cokesworth, Severus did not seem to mind the usual routine of disapproving stares as he ventured through. His shoes gently tapped the sidewalk below him and his eyes remained fixed ahead as neighbors, up for their morning chores occasionally glanced at him. Their gazes lingered significantly less time than they once had. They had become accustomed to seeing the boy from Spinner's End, making his way down the sidewalks of this neighborhood heading to the home of the sweet Evans girl who lived here in Cokesworth. It had been years of this and even more so this summer. There seemed to be no way to deter the boy, but at least he seemed to no longer linger in the streets as he had earlier during the summer. A relief to those who worried about street crime and property values, which in this area was low to non-existent and high in that order respectively. It did not take him long to come to her home, it was a walk he could make in his sleep at this point. The house stood before him, with its white door and frames. The green grass seemed to glow against the pearly white frames and pale yellow home color.<p>

It had been several days now since Severus and Lily had shared their first kiss. School was only a few weeks away and while things were going magnificently there was still something that had not been accomplished. They were together, and Severus felt as though like him Lily intended and wanted this to be something that lasted longer than eternity would allow, but none of them had confessed to loving one another. In a moment of tension Severus had found the will to actually kiss her. Now he could kiss her whenever the desire came upon him. Each and every one still sent his heart fluttering. It felt like a new kind of magic whenever their lips met. It was truly astonishing what having love reciprocated could do. Of course, Severus still wanted to hear it.  
>Lily Evans had roused from slumber as well. She was busy sitting in the living room, a cup of hot chocolate at her side as she read '<em>A Descent into Darkness'<em>. A lovely tale about betrayal and war revolving around a witch forced into a battle against her very own family. It was supposedly based on the life of a real witch who requested the names be changed. On the table beside her laid _'Tales of Dragon Tails: A guide to the use of Dragons_' as well as '_Charms of Whimsy'_ a book about the many uses of basic charms and how they can be applied to the everyday lives of witches and wizards.

Lily like Snape had not yet heard the words I love you, and while it stirred inside of her heart Lily had yet to reveal it herself. What if Severus had a relapse of some kind, would it not hurt even more than it would now if such words were said. Despite the wonderful time they had spent together since that kiss, Lily had to admit she wanted to hear it from him first. Wanted to know that all this was because of a greater feeling he had for her. Yes it was shown to her, but just as a man tells a woman he loves her, he must show her. In this case it was the other way around. Lily had thought about saying it, letting it slip out one of the few times they were kissing just as passionately as they had that first time but Lily for some reason did not. It was not as if she feared the result, or rejection. There was just something holding her back from it. Just as for some reason Severus Snape was doing the same. Regardless Lily was happy, they would still venture to the park together, though they had also made it a habit to actually go out.

They went window shopping, dining out, or even just relaxing on a sidewalk somewhere and people watching. Severus usually had the funniest things to say about people, though he could be a bit critical. Still Lily enjoyed her time with him, she wouldn't trade it for the world and only wished they'd had more of the summer like this. School was close at hand. In fact she and her parents had to go to Diagon Alley again so that she could purchase the books she would need for this coming year. Their sixth year, just this and one more. Severus and Lily would be full grown adults. Lily's eyes moved along the page but she was not reading. Her mind ventured. They could move in together, they could... get married. Her cheeks flushed as the fantasy filled her mind but it was blasted away by the unpleasant sounds of Petunia.  
>"Ugh, Snivelus is here again." Petunia complained from the kitchen as she carefully ate a crumpet. Their mother was in the back garden, busy tending to the flowers, keeping her from being a spectator to this. Lily did not like to argue in front of her parents.<p>

"Stop calling him that Tuney. I told you its a disgusting thing." Lily called out as she jumped up from the couch.  
>"I know but I thought Snivelus was a kinder name than <em>that<em>!" Petunia called cleverly from her place in the kitchen referring to 'disgusting thing'. Lily's eyes darted in that direction, only catching Petunia peeking for a moment. Petunia had seemed even less fond of Severus since she had learned they were together. Lily would like to think it was her being protective, but sadly the red headed sister knew better.

Lily quickly glided her fingers through her hair. She reached down and tugged on the simple pale green sundress she had been wearing. It had buttons all down the front and reached her mid thigh with pockets in their proper place but nearly hidden from sight. Material wrapped around just a few inches below her bosom to hug her curve and thin straps hung from her shoulder. It was simple, cute, and innocent enough. Just enough skin exposure to perhaps be flirty towards Severus. Lily blushed, when had she begun to think about things like that? They had been kissing and affectionate, but Lily did not realize she was dressing for him at times. Though he seemed to look at her with such a softness in his dark gaze regardless. Even if she was just wearing a shirt and shorts.

Lily grabbed the knob and just as she opened the door Severus stumbled in, his hand on the other side. Lily squeaked just as his body collided with hers. Severus' arms went around her, his feet suddenly locked firmly on the ground as Lily's arms clutched his shirt and her own feet seemed anchored the floor. Severus and Lily had locked gazes, cheeks flushed as they held one another. Wide eyes sought one another, and for a moment of holding each other close the world seemed as though it were melting again. Until a familiar voice once again interrupted them.

"Mum! Lily is snogging her boyfriend in the front door for all the neighbors to see!" Petunia bellowed out an open window to the backyard. Lily's parents were not against their relationship, but now that Severus was Lily's boyfriend, and not just the poor boy she had befriended things were different. For example, closing her door to her bedroom had become a taboo idea. Snogging in the home in the sight of the family. Any form of extreme intimacy was forbidden. They were just being parents, but Petunia tried using this to her advantage.  
>"A moment Sev." Lily turned and made her way to the window. Petunia turned just in time to wince as Lily pinched her. The older sister hopped out of the way as Lily leaned forward, and called out.<p>

"No we're not! Sev is here though!" Lily called out. She spotted her mother's face, rolling her eyes at the conflict of her daughters. She loved them, but honestly it was like they were children. More so than they really were.  
>Severus stood dumbfounded in the entrance, the door still open at his back, letting the cool air waft behind him. He blinked, taken aback by the scene. Still it was nice to have her calling him Sev again. Severus had for some reason found it unpleasant when she called him Severus during their fight. But well, when Severus kissed her passionately enough she did use his full name in a way that sent chills down his spine and set fire in his gut. Yes it was truly a wonderful sensation, being loved by Lily Evans. Speaking of which Lily was storming back, she caught Severus' hand and started pulling him along. Petunia scowled after them as Severus was led to the second floor and into Lily's bedroom.<br>"Mum, Lily has taken that boy into her bedroom!" Petunia cried out the window, continuing her tangent. Their mother rolled her eyes again.

"Honestly Petunia dear, must you trouble your sister so? Here come help me in the garden." Mrs. Evans smiled jovially. She could trust Lily, though she also knew girls would be girls and still secretly felt that pang of concern over her daughters actions. Another voice soon joined the fray.  
>"Door's open mum!" Lily called down happily.<br>"Hello Mrs. Evans." Severus stood in the window behind Lily, waving nervously with his hand at the level of his stomach.  
>"Hello Severus. Have you had breakfast?" Mrs. Evans called up as her eldest daughter ventured towards her with hat and gloves. If there was one thing Petunia knew it was how to be normal and how to be a good future wife. Gardening, cleaning, cooking. All these were things she needed to learn. Plus it got you the best gossip.<br>"Yes ma'am." Severus called back down in his near monotone voice. Mrs. Evans nodded and turned back to her garden, Petunia looked back up at the window in time to see Lily give her a disapproving stare before she snapped the curtains closed and shut the window.

"Honestly, I love her but why must she act so miserable towards me." Lily plopped down on her bed, exasperation rushing through her. She laid back and let her arms fall over her eyes as her crimson locks spilled about. She really did not understand why Petunia just did not seem to want to get along with her. Severus honestly did not really care if Petunia and Lily got along. As far as he was concerned Petunia was insignificant, a muggle too envious of others to get along. Lily deserved better than this in his opinion, but he knew she would never turn her back on Petunia. Lily loved the girl, just as you were supposed to love family. Though Severus knew nothing of such a thing. Love had been something forbidden to him for his entire life. Lily was the first sense of care that he had ever felt.

Even at Hogwarts he was given trouble, the marauders were awfully cruel to him. His own friends like him were not the warmest of people. The teachers though occasionally in awe of some of his efforts were not impressed for long thanks to his introverted nature. No, Severus Snape had not truly felt as though love existed for him until a few days ago. Even if the words had not been said his heart was optimistic as it now climbed the steps to truly reveal his feelings. To tell Lily those words that has coiled themselves around his throat and emblazoned her name onto his very heart and soul.  
>"She's jealous." Severus stated matter of factly as he moved to sit upon the bed beside her. Lily felt his weight join her and she moved her arms to rest upon her stomach so that she could look at him. A smile crossed her lips, Severus was the most handsome man in the world to her. Those dark eyes that seemed to beckon her into the darkness of a candle lit room. Long slender fingers which caressed her so wonderfully. Lily sat up suddenly, leaning closer to him.<p>

"What could perfect princess Petunia have to be jealous of?" Lily joked though she still sounded a bit sweet for her own good to him. Severus did not laugh but a small smile tugged at his lips. It was healthy to tease her sister once in a while, and Lily realized this as she too smiled. Lily reached out and gently her fingers caressed his cheek, brushing his hair a bit as she gave Severus a warm look. He couldn't help but smile a bit wider. If anyone was going to be jealous of anyone they would be jealous of Severus for having Lily. There was silence between them, their eyes locked on one another. Slowly they were drawing closer. Each one could feel the other's breath. Severus was so close, daringly his hand reached out and caressed her knee. Lily shuddered a bit in surprise but she did not halt him. Their lips were so close they could kiss, but instead they kept their stares.

Speaking to one another with only their eyes in this silence, a beckoning wanting moment. Severus' hand slid higher, and Lily could not help but clench her sheets with one hand as the other came up to rest on the back of his as it caressed her. His fingers were warm, as though he'd just been working on a potion. His touch was smooth and precise, Lily found her body heating, her cheeks becoming as red as her hair. Severus own fire began to burn. His mouth dried as he became so bold suddenly. His fingers carefully memorized her flesh, continuing their slow path higher and higher.  
>Every inch of her skin was like a blessing to him and when Severus could feel the material of her dress easily being guided away by his fingers he knew he was at a gate.<p>

But Lily did not close the doors, instead she seemed to draw closer, a small breath or squeak escaping her as she breathed him in. Severus' eyes roamed from Lily's emeralds to her soft pink lips. None of them realized how long and slow they were breathing. How close he had gotten to her. None of them even knew what had sparked this, just a phrase, a question. As if some part of them wished to discover what someone else could be jealous of between these two. Severus drew closer and he could feel her skin becoming hotter until finally there was contact with the soft material protecting's hand locked up on his, the other clenching the sheet.

Her eyes widened. His index and middle finger touched the material at her hip, but his thumb had rounded on her inner thigh in his hold and Severus had not realized how close he was to tempting her in places meant for marriage. Lily's hand trembled on the back of his, unsure. Her mother was outside, and they knew they could get into trouble. No Lily did not want such a thing to happen, but some burning passion inside called for it, to dare to step further. Her heart was thudding violently in her chest, she could feel it in her ears. Her skin felt as though it was on fire, having turned red and pink with invigoration. Her eyes seemed as though they would never close as she looked into his deep black eyes.

Severus' own mind was racing. His heart was pounding like a million war drums. His palm he was sure was becoming sweaty as nervousness and anxious desire seemed to crawl from his heart into the hand touching her. Bursting through it like electricity through a wire, urging him on. Keeping him magnetically locked to her, his fingers unwilling to release that which had been offered to him. Her wide green eyes beckoned and protested. His own reciprocated and hesitated. Her harsh breathing begged and denied. His own wanted and held concern. Their lips teased and taunted, like a fire and oil, just a fraction apart from igniting what would be an inferno. A moment, what would be wrong with a moment in paradise. They cared greatly for one another. Why not just say it and move onto the euphoric sensation of love that awaited them. Like a potion waiting for the final ingredient. Like a cauldron that just need a spark lit below it. This was that moment.

"MUUUUUUMMMM!" Once again it was the voice of Tuney, breaking through the veil of passion between them. Lily's eyes widened and went to the door where her sister stood with shock and triumph in her gaze. Severus turned to glare, his dark gaze furious. Never had he wanted to hex the girl more than he did right now.  
>"Tuney don't-"<br>"Lily and Severus are trying to have sex!" Petunia's voice boomed through the home and tried to even make its way out the windows. Lily pushed back at Severus who seemed to understand and moved away as forcefully and quickly as she pushed him.. Lily ran for Petunia who turned and started running. Lily's heart was thrumming violently. If her parents thought the wrong thing she would never have privacy with Severus outside of Hogwarts. Her school while wonderful is also where she was hunted by Potter. A place where she actually had friends to be with. Petunia's back was the target as it rushed down the stairs as she continued her alarm. Lily could not hear her own voice as she protested, she just chased her. It was a battle drum as their steps hit the stairs quickly like rattles being violently shaken. Severus came to the door, then moved to the stairs, hand planted firmly on the frame. He was just in time. Petunia's was nearing the bottom and Lily anxious to catch her jumped from too high. But she did not plummet, it was like watching her glide. She reached out and caught Petunia just as her foot touched the first floor. Severus watched with bated breath as Lily covered her mouth.

"Petunia! Please!" Lily pleaded but her sister was only struggling. Mrs. Evans emerged from the back door. She eyed her daughters. Lily caught her mother's eyes and reluctantly she released Petunia who stepped away quickly, breathing heavily as she turned on her sister.  
>"You wretched... how dare you cover my mouth when you were touching him... touching, oh bloody hell did you..." Petunia's eyes were wide, her skin turned paler and it seemed as though she would be sick. Lily glared at her, cheeks red and she followed her older sister's pointing finger to Severus and back. Trying to figure it out, and then it clicked.<br>"Oh no! Petunia... no no no!" Lily looked as disturbed as Petunia. Severus had to admit, he felt a bit dejected as he realized just what was happening. Despite Lily's protest Petunia rushed away, heading into the kitchen where the sound of rushing water could be heard. Lily's gaze darted towards her mother.  
>"Mum, we didn't, we haven't. You have to believe me." Lily gazed up with large eyes, hoping that of all people her mother would believe her. Mrs. Evans sighed, reaching a hand up she gently cupped her own cheek. She did not look angry but Lily could see the troubled gaze. This was obviously going to be a problem. Severus was coming down the steps slowly, and as his own eyes met Lily's then found her mother's he knew just what was going on. Not that he couldn't hear it.<p>

"Severus please excuse us. I must speak with my daughters." Mrs. Evans gave him a solid look. The young dark haired man made no action to recognize her request beyond walking to the door and stepping out. Lily watched him step out with a slightly disquieted look. Like the other two she said nothing, knowing that now was no time for romantics. The girls were led into the kitchen by their mother, they were each seated across from one another. Mrs. Evans started to boil some water for tea. The girls did not look at one another, their gazes were focused on the ground. Lily counted the number of imperfections in the kitchen floor, scuffs and what not. Petunia was twiddling her thumbs, and biting her lip. For once hopefully her mother would see reason and realize that at least as a daughter this was wrong.

"Now then-" Mr.s Evans barely spoke before she was interrupted. Both girls began pleading their cases suddenly and it released in a garbled mess of high pitched voices and nonsense. Mrs. Evans looked between the two, and they seemed to stop without any coaxing. It was as if a buzzing in her ear had just suddenly stopped. The woman sighed and pulled a chair up by the table and looked between her two daughters once more, only for her eyes to rest on the red headed one.

"Lily, be honest with me. Were you..."  
>"No mum! The door was open and everything. As if I would when you are right outside!" Lily confessed, though her words were not quite as defensive as she hoped. They implied that she would under the right circumstance.<p>

"Then why was his hand under your dress. You're not even married. You've only been dating what two weeks if even." Petunia complained hoarsely. To Lily this might have been sweet if her sister were actually showing concern for her rather than just attempting to make her miserable. However these words seemed to catch Lily's mother because once again she was fixed on her youngest.  
>Lily's cheeks flushed, what Petunia had said was true. But it was not as if they were going to do anything. Lily had stopped him. Though they were both ready to burst the two had held off on the adolescent desire. Mrs. Evans brow rose a bit, expecting an answer. Lily felt her skin starting to become too hot.<p>

"We didn't do anything mum. We both stopped." Lily confessed but her head fell. Petunia had a large pleased smile. Mrs. Evans took in a breath as, she stared at Lily with her eyes shifting around before her breath was released.

"I expected this." Her voice released in an exasperated tone. Petunia seemed bewildered at these words as Lily looked up to her mother with hope.  
>"You're young, he's a boy even if he is not the most extroverted of sorts. But Petunia is right, you are freshly together, hormones are stirring and you have known one another for some time." Lily read her mother's words as 'you are moving too quickly'. But Lily did not think so, if anything she felt this was long overdo. But she was not rushing into it, things like this simply happened.<p>

"Isn't she going to be punished? She knows its wrong." Petunia's cheeks inflated a bit as she pleaded her case uninvited. Her mother glanced towards her and reached out, gently taking her eldest daughter's hand.  
>"Petunia dear, I love you very much. But this petty squabbling over..."<br>"Petty? Petty!" Petunia obviously did not like this wording as she stood up. Mrs. Evans was taken by surprise by her daughter's sudden motion. "She is a... a freak. If' we're not careful she'll bring more of those freak babies into this world with that boy!"

Lily's heart shattered at Petunia's outburst. Her emerald eyes welled with tears at her sister's hatred. Lily truly could not fathom how her sister could hold such disdain for her. Their mother as well was silent, flabbergasted by the outburst of Petunia. It was shocking, upsetting to see one of her children show such scorn for the other. Lily didn't realize that she was clenching the table's edge, her knuckles turning white as she clutched back her fury. All her sorrow was beginning to boil and turn into something worse. Petunia's gaze sought her mother's, hoping that the woman would find some recognition for what Petuna was saying. But it became apparent that she would not. Petunia sighed, and as she did a whistle escaped her. Petunia blinked and touched her face. Her mother's eyes were wide, and Lily herself let go of the table suddenly as if it had burned her. Was she doing this?

Petunia face was swelling, or rather her lips were. The older sister pawed at her face, trying to stop it, pushing and pinching as if she could mold or deflate it but nothing would happen. Petunia's voice became muffled as she tried to plead, glaring at her sister trying to make her halt. Mrs. Evans even turned to Lily.  
>"Lily dear, I know you're upset but you need to stop this." Mrs. Evans seemed frightened, more so than Petunia. The teapot whistled, causing her to jump. It seemed like Petunia's lips would just grow until they were bulbous bags hanging from her face. Finally they stopped and the older girl was holding up her own lips with her hands. Lily blinked, trying to figure out what she had done when suddenly she spotted him. In the window, her dark haired love looked furious yet held a slight smirk as he eyed her sister. Severus had done this. Why?<p>

Petunia seemed to notice and she looked to the window. Suddenly there was fire in her eyes as she locked onto Severus. The dark haired boy realized he was caught. But that did not stop him from winking before he vanished from the window. Petunia rounded on her sister, mumbling something about forcing Lily to fix her. Lily did not know if she could. Besides now she had to worry whether or not Severus would be in trouble for under aged magic. Petunia's mother had taken the tea off and already had a cold bag of peas. She brought them to her daughter and put it upon her lips. Lily found her mother looking worriedly upon her.

Lily swallowed, Petunia knew who had actually weaved the magic, she would tell her mother no matter what. Lily sighed and rose from her place. Petunia deserved it didn't she. She was so cruel, always calling her names and trying to get her into trouble. Why did Petunia not deserve to suffer a little. Lily felt satisfaction bubbling inside of her, but as she saw tears coming from her desperate sister and the concern in her mother's eyes Lily saw it. This must be what _he _felt like. Severus, always angry, always abused. A lot of it having to do with someone close to him. Lily felt it, the burning desire to lash out. But she was not Severus and this predicament was not exactly the same. This was where her life differed from his. The bonds of a loving family, and a desire to not be cruel kept her from saying what was lurking there. For she knew it was only retaliation not sincerity. Lily swallowed it down, letting burn in the acid of her stomach.

"I'm going to find Sev." Lily turned and went for the door, ignoring her mother's pleas as she grabbed her shoes and a coat and dashed out into the night. As Lily exited and began adorning her coat she noticed her father rising from his vehicle wearing his suit and carrying his bag.  
>"Lily dear, off to see Severus?" He asked, though there was a quirk of curiosity there. This was not her usual routine to see him. Lily knew if she lingered she may not get away. So she started walking quickly, her father coming up the drive as she was leaving. Severus was in trouble, but in all her time she had never known him to run. He was caught so why did he leave.<p>

"I'll be back dad. I love you." Lily spoke quickly and pecked his cheek, earning a smile from him as she started down the sidewalk. as soon as she heard the front door close she started sprinting. Moments later Mr. Evans emerged from the front door again. His eyes scanned the night as a groaning Petunia bawled in the kitchen of the Evans home.


End file.
